SPAM Haiku 4001-4100

Move backwards to Numbers 3901-4000.


4001.
Anyone can be
number one, but number two?
That takes lots of class.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4002.
Henry Moore sculpture?
With SPAM, "Dinty Moore sculpture"
makes a bit more sense.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4003.
Hormel tech support:
"How do I open the can?"
"Pull the tab." "Okay."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4004.
Hormel tech support:
"But I have an old can." "Then
use the key." "Okay."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4005.
Hormel tech support:
"Ick! I can't abide this stuff!"
"No one can." "Okay."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4006.
In Chicago they
celebrate the victory
with big SPAM bonfires.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4007.
SPAM is considered
a delicacy in some
parts of...well...nowhere.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4008.
"Roger, I just can't
believe we're talking about
the same food," says Gene.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4009.
King Henry the Eighth
had his wives beheaded for
serving SPAM to him.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4010.
Hammurabi's Code
dictates that "Who serveth SPAM
loseth genitals."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4011.
Babylonians,
as you may have guessed, did not
think highly of SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4012.
Eskimos eat bird
meat that's been fermented, yet
they will not eat SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4013.
"Sure," they say, "we eat
rotten bird meat and whale fat,
but SPAM? No, thank you."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4014.
Eyelids hang heavy
As father drones on and on
About SPAM's great taste.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4015.
Ant crawls on my SPAM.
Throw it away? How wasteful!
Here, sister...have mine.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4016.
After NBC's
Investigative report,
I won't touch the stuff.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4017.
Baby's first Christmas:
Hates the doll, the train, the duck--
Loves playing with SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4018.
My library card
Was revoked when I used SPAM
And not my bookmark.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4019.
I inserted SPAM
In the VCR. It played
A dull pink movie.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4020.
Olympic athletes
Eat it, due to rumors that
SPAM contains steroids

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4021.
SPAM in Atlanta
Suddenly in short supply,
Athletes look guilty

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4022.
Fearing SPAM abuse
Olympic officials plan
Random SPAM testing

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4023.
If athlete's urine
Shows up positive for SPAM
He is out of there

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4024.
Ejected athletes
Given their plane tickets home--
And a SPAM medal

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4025.
Disqualified, they
Can get no big endorsements,
Except for Hormel

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4026.
Africans eat grubs
Chinese relish monkey brains
And we love our SPAM!

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4027.
SPAM farts from the can
Then three hours later, I fart.
Mute pigs speaking twice.

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4028.
Arnold or Wilbur?
Babe or the 4-H winner?
Whose friend do I eat?

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4029.
The warden questions--
"Death by SPAM or firing squad?"
Bullets hit their mark.

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4030.
SPAM and stomach flu
My floor becomes a canvas
In 10 shades of pink

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4031.
The French love their SPAM
Secret delight of great chefs
Just throw on a sauce

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4032.
Hang your head in shame,
You imitation of pig!
You BASTARD of pork!

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4033.
Edible pigment
Pork-pink skidmarked underwear
SPAM's anal artwork

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4034.
He makes SPAM sculptures
Thinker, David, Pieta
His dog loves them so.

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4035.
Pig lips meet my lips
Pig anus meets my anus
A meeting of meat

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4036.
Cooked SPAM hits the floor
She puts it back on the plate
"Improves the flavor"

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4037.
Hungry homeless man
Is offered my SPAM sandwich.
"Thanks but no thanks, man."

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4038.
You begin as SPAM
But my body transforms you
To diarrhea.

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4039.
I compose spamku
While eating a vegan meal
Life is very strange

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4040.
He was bad this year
Santa left the rich, fat boy
SPAM in his stocking

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4041.
He was good this year
Santa left the poor, thin boy
SPAM in his stocking

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4042.
Scavengers love it
Dumpster-strewn SPAM can innards
Taste like carrion

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4043.
Push the right button
And I'll give you this SPAM treat--
You stupid monkey!

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4044.
What birthed this strange meat?
A Communist pinko plot?
Capitalist greed?

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4045.
SPAM/PINKo/Commie
I think there's a connection
Someone call O. Stone!

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4046.
F.atty, fetid food
D.uodenally dealing
A.n awful aching

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4047.
"SPAM, eggs, and white bread--
The breakfast of champions!"
--Olympic loser

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4048.
"I'll spank you with SPAM
If you lick it from my toes."
--Fetishist's want ad

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4049.
"I dreamt I was chased
By a pig-loving tin can."
--Miss Piggy to shrink

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4050.
For 2 days and nights
It rained SPAM in his bedroom
Bad LSD trip

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4051.
White supremacists
Rally in their SPAM-same trucks
Square pink-meat riders

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4052.
It's an acquired taste
SPAM? Yuuccchhh! SPAM? Eeeeeww! SPAM again?
SPAM--Hmmmm. SPAM--YUMMM! SPAMMMMM!!!

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4053.
5:30 AM
Decaf coffee-stained spamku
Insomnia's gift

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4054.
President Clinton
Admits, "I did eat SPAM once,
But didn't swallow."

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4055.
The smell of fried SPAM--
A remembrance of things past
For less high-class Prousts.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4056.
The madman insists
That he only killed those men
Because they were SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4057.
The scene of the crime:
A chalk outline of a pig
And a can of SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4058.
The tarot reader
Turns over the final card--
No! Not "The SPAM Can"!

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4059.
Campfire memory:
Sizzling so salaciously,
Scrambled eggs and SPAM.

--Scott Barnard

4060.
Eating SPAM is like
listening to maiden aunts
reliving their youth.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4061.
Lee Harvey Oswald
went to Russia, but he missed
SPAM. So he came back.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4062.
OK, that makes three
Oswald haiku I have done.
Time to knock it off.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4063.
SPAM on the griddle
sizzles just like real food does.
Impersonation.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4064.
City kids use SPAM
for bases in stickball game.
"Slide!" SPLAT "Disgusting!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4065.
Duke Nukem 3D:
"I'm gonna rip off your head
and SPAM down your throat!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4066.
SPAM in fax machine
results in illegible
fax. And repair bills.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4067.
Put a wad of SPAM
into your front pants pocket.
It's a nice feeling.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4068.
Counting syllables
incessantly? So am I.
Welcome to the club.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4069.
"I can eat fifty
eggs," says Luke. But will he eat
SPAM? "No bet," he says.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4070.
Sid and Marty Kroft's
short-lived Sixties kiddie show:
H. R. Puff 'N SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4071.
Mary Tyler Moore
never said, "Oh, Mr. Grant!
SPAM me! SPAM me hard!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4072.
On the other hand,
if she had said that, it would
have been pretty cool.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4073.
Loma Prieta:
Post-earthquake meal included
SPAM and Cheez Whiz. Yum!

--Hud Nordin, hud@netcom.com

4074.
Is it going down
Or is it coming back up
Hard to know with SPAM

--Eric Mendelson, efrank@dimensiondata.com

4075.
Offering her SPAM
"I must be going," she says
Another blind date

--Eric Mendelson, efrank@dimensiondata.com

4076.
Open the cupboard
Hear the call of the blue can
Pink contents beckon

--Eric Mendelson, efrank@dimensiondata.com

4077.
What's in the blue can?
Well, who the hell really knows
The SPAM enigma

--Eric Mendelson, efrank@dimensiondata.com

4078.
Son thought he loved SPAM
Then he asked me to buy some
His love disappeared

--Howard, HOWMPLS@worldnet.att.net

4079.
SPAM has some meaning.
It means that cow, pig, and salt
Can live peacefully.

--Anonymous

4080.
I saw a dead rat
And sat down to write SPAMku
What's the connection?

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4081.
Somewhere in this can
Pig penises are lurking
Don't think about it

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4082.
Evita Peron
Wouldn't dream of eating SPAM
So we cried for her.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4083.
Cubed comedian
A tongue tickler in a tin
SPAM is canned laughter

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4084.
The bride pressed her luck:
One SPAM dinner too many.
"I want a divorce."

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4085.
"If you eat your SPAM,
I'll give you extra dessert."
"Go to hell, Mommy!"

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4086.
Tarzan of the Apes
Swings home to find SPAM frying
Birth of famous yell

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4087.
I built a club house.
My sister brought SPAMBURGERs.
Now it's "boys only."

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4088.
Hey, little cuckoo
Flutter down and share this SPAM.
"I'm not that cuckoo."

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4089.
Baby Jane Hudson
Serves SPAM carved like a rodent
Blanch spins her wheel chair

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4090.
Dancing down the beach
Jane returns with SPAM ice cream
Blanch dies quietly

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4091.
Tipping my head back,
SPAM glides slowly down the hatch.
Sore throat begets death.

--angies@wolfram.com

4092.
SPAM, fresh from the can
is an oxymoron like
a well-deserved TREET.

--angies@wolfram.com

4093.
Beavis and Butthead
Will eat nachos but not SPAM
Who says they're stupid?

--Casey Gilbertson, http://coyote.accessnv.com/casey

4094.
That SPAM I am, that
SPAM I am, I do not like
that SPAM I am, not.

--Ju Lie

4095.
"Give it to Mikey."
"Yeah, he will eat anything!"
Kaddish for the child.

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage

4096.
Guards at the border
prevent SPAM from entering
90210.

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage

4097.
Portnoy, as a boy,
finds the liver much too rough.
Uses SPAM instead.

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage

4098.
Groucho Marx first sang
"Hello, I must be going"
when Mom fed him SPAM.

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage

4099.
Shot of audience
from inside a small blue tin:
Letterman SPAM-Cam.

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage

4100.
Letterman with prize.
"Hey, who wants a Big-Ass SPAM?"
No one raises hand.

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage


Move forwards to Numbers 4101-4200.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.